Says man in charge of nation’s ‘nuclear football’
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S A T I R E According to international reports, Ukrainian president Zelensky is insulted by the Biden Administration’s meager offering of only $33 billion in deadly weaponry, which is less than half of the $86 billion Biden left for the Taliban in Afghanistan. “I’ll be honest, this hurts,” said Zelensky to reporters. “I thought […]
S A T I R E Elon Musk’s bid to purchase Twitter came up short after 138,000 board votes were found at 2 a.m., a company spokesman confirmed Tuesday. Musk had been in talks to purchase the company for $44 billion. “We really thought Musk was going to pull this one out,” said Twitter CEO Parag […]
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S A T I R E In a tense press conference Monday, Press Secretary Jen Psaki faced pointed questions about several Biden misstatements that led to chaos during his trip overseas. Psaki quickly reassured the gathered press that Biden doesn’t speak for the President of the United States. “The President has clearly said, and we agree, […]
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S A T I R E Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has just signed into law a bill that legalizes stuffing kids who wear masks into lockers, giving them wedgies, and putting them into trash cans upside-down. … “In other states, you can get detention or even criminal charges for this kind of bullying,” said DeSantis. […]