S A T I R E
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has just signed into law a bill that legalizes stuffing kids who wear masks into lockers, giving them wedgies, and putting them into trash cans upside-down. …
“In other states, you can get detention or even criminal charges for this kind of bullying,” said DeSantis. “But not on my watch. Here, in the free state of Florida, you can do whatever you want to those dweebs.” DeSantis says the measure will intimidate kids who still want to wear masks, making them into men or women, “the only two genders you can be.” …
You’re also allowed to push their books and papers out of their hands and say, “Nice going, Nimrod” and then high-five your buddy Steve as you walk away triumphantly and they scramble to pick up their papers blowing away in the strong Florida winds. More
DeSantis was on the rebound from harsh criticism for bullying a group of kids by forcing them to make their own choices and do whatever they want. The college kids were just minding their own business, wearing masks as instructed when DeSantis rudely offered to let them consider other options.
“Take those masks off right now, or keep them on — just do whatever you want! Hey, you’re an American and America is a free country! You do you, man!” said a scary and imposing Governor DeSantis, intimidating the kids and leaving them with no choice but to choose whatever they wanted.
“In that moment, I felt pressured to make a decision for myself instead of being forced into mask compliance by parents and teachers — I’ve never been bullied like that,” said James Klevins of the kids victimized by the Governor. “He literally MADE me do whatever I wanted to in that situation, fully my choice.”