S A T I R E
According to sources, a video, posted on social media platform X, shows known journalist Tucker Carlson willfully and recklessly engaging in actual journalism without any regard for the damage that may be caused by such a wanton display.
“We’re not sure what this guy thinks he’s doing,” said one New York Times columnist who asked to remain anonymous. “He’s out here investigating and searching for the truth and interviewing world leaders on important geopolitical topics. Wild, unrestrained journalism. It’s dangerous, really. Digging for information and conducting interviews and just… reporting what he’s learned and putting it out there for people to see it? Are you serious?!”
With Carlson’s much-anticipated interview with Russian President Vladimir Putin soon to be released to the public, mainstream journalists prepared for the worst. “I wouldn’t even know what to do in that situation,” said one CNN correspondent under the condition of anonymity. “Look, I’m a journalist, but at no point would I ever entertain the notion of, you know… doing journalism. That’s beyond the pale. I don’t think anyone could predict the consequences of doing such a thing.”[Western journalists were reportedly traumatized by the prospect of the interview being released to the public,] unsure if the world as they knew it would even exist the following day after a journalist threw caution to the wind and did journalism. More [Meanwhile…] as the world anticipates their exclusive interview together, local witnesses reported seeing [Carlson and Putin] riding a bear through Moscow while chugging vodka.
The controversial independent journalist and the Russian president reportedly celebrated the conclusion of their sit-down conversation the traditional Russian way: a thrilling tandem bear ride through Red Square while passing a large bottle of Stoli back and forth. …
“They appear to have made quite a bond,” one Russian witness said. “We heard rumors that Tucker Carlson had arrived for interview with Putin. We did not know if it was true, but now we can see with our eyes. I was sitting on street corner eating bowl of stroganoff when I hear loud shouting. I look toward Kremlin and see Putin and Tucker riding magnificent bear. I heard they also bench-pressed live womans. Very manly. Very powerful.”
Mainstream media outlets and lawmakers in the United States warned that Carlson’s interview with Putin would likely be filled with false information and propaganda.
“Tucker has clearly been compromised,” said Congressman Eric Swalwell. “He goes over there to interview a vicious dictator and then appears in public riding a bear and drinking vodka? I suspect they’ve reached some type of deal to rig the election for Donald Trump, but I’m waiting on word from my Chinese contacts for confirmation.”