S A T I R E

A new USA Today poll has found that an overwhelming majority of Democrats are in favor of welcoming immigrants from Central and South America into other people’s neighborhoods. …

“We found that 92% of liberal Americans are ‘strongly in favor’ of as many immigrants as possible moving into the country, as long as they never have to see them or deal with them in person,” said the study’s lead researcher, Dr. Henry Bollickson.

“When we posed the question of whether immigrants should be welcomed with open arms into other people’s areas, Democrats were strongly in favor of that idea. But when we posed the question of whether immigrants should be welcomed into one’s own city, neighborhood, or home, the number of Democrats in favor of that idea went down dramatically.”

“This just goes to show that Democrats are some of the most loving and welcoming people, as long as other people are doing the, you know, loving and welcoming.”

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