S A T I R E

With Pride Month coming to a close, corporations are making preparations to return to their usual amount of gayness.

“We’ll still be gay, but just baseline gay,” said Walgreens CEO Rosalind Brewer. “The volume will be turned down from eleven, but don’t be misled. We will still be awfully gay, woke, and all that other stuff.”

Companies across the globe have begun the arduous process of making rainbow decorations slightly smaller and adding an occasional heterosexual couple to commercials. “Every company has its ‘Ultra-Gay’ advertisement for Pride Month, which goes back in the closet July first,” explained marketing consultant Raymond Dillashaw. “It gets replaced with a ‘Regular-Gay’ advertisement, which has a few subtle differences. Basically, there’s less leather, and they throw in a model whose gender can be easily identified. Boomers like that, apparently.”

Corporations have promised to continue a constant stream of LGBTQ messaging for the remainder of the year but at a slightly reduced rate. “During June we have forty Pride flags in the break room, but in July we go down to thirty-nine,” explained local Bank of America manager Damon Ross. “We will continue to preferentially hire LGBTQ applicants, feature primarily same-sex couples in our commercials, and force all employees to use whatever language the LGBTQ lobby demands. We will, however, pause the drag shows in the lobby.

More