Major airline defies bigotry, hires blind pilot

S A T I R E , October 30, 2022

Spirit Airlines has hammered yet another nail into the coffin of ableism by hiring the world’s first blind commercial airline pilot. Flight 2047 from Orlando to Saint Louis is set to be the first vision-impaired flight. The co-pilot will reportedly wear a blindfold for the duration of the flight out of solidarity with its blind captain.

According to sources, Isaac “Fuselage” Bartimaeus dreamed of being a pilot ever since someone described to him what planes look like. The rookie pilot, who has been blind since birth, earned a pilot’s license after spending two years studying theoretical flight.

Due to his condition, he was not permitted to fly a plane as part of his schooling. Spirit Airlines waived the requisite 1,500 hours of flight time as a way of accommodating his disability. …

Reporters were briefly permitted on the plane to witness history as Captain Bartimaeus introduced himself to the passengers.

“This is your captain speaking. I’d like to welcome you all aboard. I am excited to fly you all into the sky,” said Captain Bartimaeus. “Where we’re going, we won’t need eyes to see,” he added, referencing his favorite film, Event Horizon. …