Back in the USSR: Sight of American flag traumatized Griner

S A T I R E

Freed WNBA player Brittney Griner has fled back to Russia after seeing an American flag for the first time in months.

Griner spotted the flag near the tarmac of Los Angeles International Airport upon the arrival of her flight from Russia and had a negative reaction . . . “AAHHHHH! The symbol of my oppression!” said Griner through tears. … “I see a country that does not care about black people, particularly not black members of the LGBTQ community.”  ….

The move came as a shock to many and was interpreted as a slap in the face to the Biden administration. “We worked so hard to free her. We told Putin he could have anything he wanted with no conditions whatsoever,” said a Biden official who chose to remain anonymous. ….

Several activists sided with Griner. “They let her sit in Russia for almost a year,” said nonbinary LGBTQ activist Nicole Owens. …

Other activists blamed the WNBA. “She barely makes a living wage,” said Women’s Rights activist Lena Hogan. “Her WNBA contract is only for $220,000 a year. She has to go to Russia to make any real money.”

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