S A T I R E
Under orders from the Supreme Chancellor of the People’s Republic of Canada Justin Trudeau, all bank ATMs across the provinces will now require anyone attempting to withdraw money from their accounts to take a small quiz on their political beliefs. …
Questions asked by the ATM will include:
- How would you describe your political views?
- What are your pronouns?
- Do you think Trudeau is the most powerful and masculine leader ever?
- Do you, or have you ever, listened to Joe Rogan — and enjoyed it?
- What lives matter?
- Do you live on land stolen from indigenous peoples?
- Do you own a semi-truck?
- Do you worship any other god besides Trudeau?
According to sources, anti-mandate freedom protestors have already formed their own parallel economy trading in beaver pelts, maple syrup, and Bitcoin.