S A T I R E

In yet another 5-4 decision, the United States Supreme Court has ruled that Texas must remove all barbed wire along the border and replace it with a massive, plush red carpet.

[All four women justices — Sonia Sotomayor, Elena Kagan, Amy Coney Barrett, Ketanji Brown Jackson — voted with John Roberts in the decision. The less caring male justices — Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito, Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh — dissented.]

“How will migrants be able to get in the country if there’s barbed wire in the way?” said a visibly confused Justice Sotomayor. “They might get hurt!  ….

Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett [confided her vote] has absolutely nothing to do with her plans to re-landscape her yard this summer.

“My plans to have a nice row of Elm trees planted along the southern fence of my backyard has nothing to do with my vote to allow more gardeners, er, I mean illegal immigrants, into the country,” Justice Barrett explained. ….

Justice Barrett voted to allow border patrol agents to remove razor wire placed there by Texas officials, a move she said has nothing to do with her search for a landscaping crew that’s affordable and will work for cash payments.

The border patrol responded to the ruling immediately and is now hard at work cutting gaps in the barbed wire fence and rolling out a red carpet across the border. “Hooo boy! This is just like in the Hollywood picture shows!” said one officer while rolling out a carpet for a small band of Al Qaida operatives and Somali pirates. “Welcome to America, friends! You’re all stars to us!”

Compiled from alleged sources, PBS and Babylon Bee

  Women justices carried the day in Supreme Court’s 5-4 ruling on barbed wire at the border