S A T I R E
[Dear Google and Facebook],
Everyone knows the 2020 election was literally the most secure and fair presidential election—like, ever. …[H]ere is the undeniable evidence the election was fair:
1. Literally everyone says so: Duh. The 2020 election couldn’t have been rigged because all the people who are cool and smart and not weird say so. …
2. Journalists were fair and balanced in assessing the qualities of moderate, kind, decent Joe Biden, and of his opponent Hitler: Thank God for the press! They really made sure to give a fair and honest assessment of the most popular and wonderful president ever and the evil orange monster who wanted to kill democracy and take away all our norms and stuff. Great job, journalists!
3. Mail-in votes were handled by USPS — the most reliable, trustworthy company on the planet: The post office almost never screws up, loses, or delays US mail. It’s quite amazing, really.[Now that we have stated the obvious, you will take your collective knee off our First Amendment rights, right?
Your pals at WorldTribune.]