New M1 Abrams tanks more cozy, but still not ideal for deployed Moms

S A T I R E


[In the new progressive U.S. military], a new feature has been added to the next line of M1 Abrams tanks: a diaper changing table.

“The horrors of war have often been unfriendly to the busy mom on the go,” said Department of Defense spokesman Clayton Brown. “Our mission is to change things so pregnant women and working moms all feel welcome in our quagmires in the Middle East and have opportunities to blow up the locals with depleted uranium shells.”

In addition to the changing table, each new tank will also be slightly larger in order to fit a private lounge for breastfeeding. So far, women in the military love the new components. “It’s really great as a mom to have these additional features,” said Private Lorraine Hodges, though she said the tank isn’t great for small children since it’s “very noisy” and “constantly under attack.”

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