He’s back; This time, he comes from the future to make damn sure you stay safe

S A T I R E


Paramount Pictures today announced an exciting new reboot of the Terminator franchise where Arnold Schwarzenegger’s eponymous cyborg character is sent from the future to a time before humanity was enslaved.

But this time, he’s woke, and he’ll just tell humans to submit to the government and evil corporations controlling their lives. And he’ll patrol the streets making sure everyone is wearing a mask.

“Screw your freedoms,” the Terminator tells humanity when he comes from the future this time around. “Come with me if you want to submit to government mandates like a good citizen. Actually, never mind. Just stay home and stay safe.” Schwarzenegger goes around from house to house making sure everyone is wearing a mask and locked up in their houses, shooting anyone who does not comply with a shotgun. Sarah Connor is seen going out to get groceries even though she’s not vaccinated, and the Terminator . . . . [spoiler alert]

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