S A T I R E

Guest Op-Ed by Frank T Rutherford

Everyone is all, “Ooh! The virus is out there and going to get me! I’m going to hide in my house and wear my mask! Please inject me with stuff and tell me it will protect me!” It’s pathetic. No wonder nowadays people are confused about who women are, since everyone sounds like one.

It wasn’t like that back in the long, long ago — the good old days — when men were men, women were women, and you weren’t allowed to switch. Back then, we weren’t scared of any little old disease. And guess how we fared?

Well, yes, a lot of us died. Medicine was not quite as good back then. A lot less medical debt, a lot more dying. It’s a tradeoff. But we weren’t as whiny about it. And man, we had some diseases. Smallpox. Polio. … Those things, they’d kill you. But we didn’t care. We just lived our lives… well, some of us. Others dropped dead. We had a lot more funerals back then, but those are good social gatherings to meet and talk to each other, as we didn’t have Twitbook and Facer. So it all worked out.

And because we stood up to disease and death, we built this country into something great, with nuclear power and moon landings. … So that’s why you need to be like your ancestors and …. get on with your life. What’s the worst that could happen? Well, yeah, you could die… but nothing worse than that.

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  Back in the day, life could kill you but until then we kicked ass