Pfizer rolls out ‘Family-size Covid Vaccine Booster Tubs; Don’t even think of leaving Costco without some

S A T I R E


In a deal that probably has nothing to do with Pfizer’s COVID-19 vaccine showing disappointing long-term effectiveness, the pharmaceutical giant has announced an ambitious partnership with bulk wholesale giant Costco, and the unveiling of the new Pfizer-Kirkland Signature 5-Gallon Family Size Vaccine Booster Tub™.

Every Costco store is now stocked with sensibly-sized buckets of the vaccine, complete with instructions, kid-friendly self-stick syringes, and a 5-pack of IV kits for families who have been led to believe in overwhelming safety over all other aspects of life.

Kelly Earskin, while shopping for some chips and a jacuzzi, commented that the tubs were not hard to find due to the size of each bucket, and the fact that the pharmacy and vitamin shelves had been replaced with dozens of pallets of the stuff. “I had actually forgotten to pick up the vaccine, but the checkout worker ran back and grabbed it for me because Costco workers are so friendly and also because it’s required and you can’t leave the store without buying some.”

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