Naming that Clinton TV talkathon
New York — Former President Bill Clinton is in the running to host an afternoon TV talk show. And while the networks have yet to meet his “price” of between $30 and $50 million, it looks as if CBS is going to take the plunge and put the ex-prez on daytime TV.
Actually it’s quite appropriate — he can bring his “touchy- feely” level of politics to the afternoon gab-shows thus creating a nouveau form of junk food journalism. The feisty New York Post jibed, “Boob Tube Bubba.” Clinton can now pursue a career for which he is particularly well suited — talking ad nauseam — while making mega-bucks.
So here’s a former President who saw himself as a statesman who becomes an actor. I recall many people who used to smirk over a former actor who became President who emerged as a statesman.
But what to name the show? The proverbial fly on the wall of CBS corporate HQ in Manhattan has flown back to report the short list of names.
Let’s Make A Deal — probably the best name which evokes the entire Clinton era where stock markets soared, pigs flew, and foreign policy was a simple as saying We Won!
To Tell the Truth — America’s still waiting…..
The Avengers — getting even with Congressional Republicans.
Sex in the City — Need I say more? But too many people are watching.
Six Feet Under — his Presidency once seemed in this state but then rose yet again to always confound its critics.
JAG — A Lawyer Yes, but with no prior military experience.
The Price is Right — one of the mottos of his Administration
Jeopardy — a presidency always on the verge of but somehow beat it.
ER — the State of the Clinton Campaign mode always saved by the Cajun Jim Carville.
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Yes, but Regis if far too nice to be in the same company.
Beverly Hills 90210 — his donor list.
Hollywood Squares — the wider donor list.
Access Hollywood — this could be part of the bigger plan.
The Weakest Link — The Truth.
Big Brother — genuinely wished to play that role, wanting to be a friend and be loved; his VP viewed the term in a more Orwellian way.
Wheel of Fortune — the Clinton era of corporate greed.
The West Wing — Been there, Done that, now can I do it again??
Touched by an Angel — must have been to have always gotten away with it.
Nightline — calling for late night Pizza delivery to the White House.
Beyond Belief — Fact or Fiction? Recalling some of the old post-Monica defenses.
Martha Stewart — She can probably teach Bill and Hillary a few things about investing.
Friends — Friends of Bill (not including communist Chinese arms dealers).
Saturday Night Live — just imagine, but networks can’t run it in most markets.
Cheers! Here’s to PT Barnum!
Entertainment Tonight — reruns of feel-good TV chats, announcing attacks on threats to global security such as the Haitian Junta, or missile strikes on Saddam’s laundry room.
Business Report — Things are only getting better, there’s no more economic cycle, and unemployment is down to a historic 300 year low.
Keeping Up Appearances — Hillary’s Cameo or “keeping a straight face.”
The Afternoon Soaps — It will be one.
American Idol — That’s It!!!
John J. Metzler is a U.N. correspondent covering diplomatic and defense
issues. He writes weekly for World Tribune.com.
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