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Pardon me comrade, your slip is showing

by Robert Morton
Special to World

November 23, 1998

Here's two news items you may have missed: President Mugabe of Zimbabwe denounces homosexuality as a sin, and Maoists in India preach sexual repression to the comrades. What has happened to the revolution?

Speaking of the revolution, who finally came out on top? If the United States really won the Cold War, why are the losers treating Americans the way Democrats treat Republicans? We have Saddam Hussein thumbing his nose at the United States and all the fire power it assembled in the Persian Gulf. Backing him up is Yevgeni Primakov the new prime minister of Russia. Remember Primakov? He was the Evil Empire's last KGB head who counted Saddam as a protege. The defeat of worldwide communism has earned this thug a promotion.

Losing World War II was the best thing that ever happened to the economies of Japan and Germany, pundits often wrote during the 1980s. After being leveled by the Allies, these nations dominated by Satanic fascism and Nazism took advantage of Christendom's forgiving heart and unleashed themselves upon the world as economic juggernauts that threatened even their conquerors.

Likewise, losing the Cold War has boosted the careers of party hacks in most communist governments that until 1990 constituted the worst tyrannies in human history. Even in the ‘Free World,' leftist or socialist credentials are de reigeur for academic, political and cultural advancement. Just take a look around.

Anti-war activist Bill Clinton presides over the only remaining superpower. Tony Blair, the Labor's Party's last hope, is plotting a Third Way for the Brits in the same way his Yankee counterpart wedged his way into the White House backed by the fiscally moderate Democratic Leadership Council.

In Germany, Social Democrat Gerhard Schroeder finally toppled Helmut Kohl – the hero of unification – and immediately teamed up with the Greens and Tony Blair to chart a more progressive course for all of Western Europe. And in Korea, perennial opposition nuisance Kim Dae Jung has become the establishment, winning the endorsement of even some of his anti-communist critics. Yes, they conceded, he was the right man at the right time to coax their sister nation into rehab after a 53-year addiction to a failed ideology.

The ideology is dead, but the movement of the "liberated" marches on. So gracious were the winners that they are looking more and more like the losers.

All is not well with the socialist workers of the world, however. Like the "progressive" Washington press corps with its Monica fixation, the commies are hung up on sex, as an alert reporter for Hong Kong's South China Morning Post observes.

A dispatch from Calcutta noted the rather personal problems faced by comrades in southern India's People's War Group, a Maoist terrorist organization that has shot to death 600 policemen and numbers of other reactionaries since 1993. We quote:

"A circular issued by the group's central committee last week branded love at first sight unscientific and sex anarchic.

"Cadres sleeping side by side in camps have been warned against hugging and kissing in the dark. Illicit relations will invite disciplinary action ranging from internment to expulsion.

"Love at first sight is unscientific, as it is only a physical attraction. Illicit sex is anarchic and disruptive. A marriage between two revolutionaries should be a political relationship," said the circular, issued reportedly to curb growing promiscuity.

Now here is a foreign policy challenge the U.S. president could embrace with his own brand of moral authority. Have the comrades not familiarized themselves with the Playboy Philosophy? While his marriage passes the litmus test of being a "political relationship," Bill Clinton could straighten out the comrades on the political benefits of free sex.

More sophisticated are the communists in Ho Chi Minh City who have decided that female beauty can be celebrated as long as the whole exercise is politically correct.

Writing about the Miss Vietnam beauty pageant, also in the South China Morning Post, Harry Knowles noted that the unschooled proletarians with their natural charms didn't stand a chance during the interview phase of the competition.

"Unsurprisingly, the winner and the two runners-up turned out to be students," he wrote. The many young village women who had made their way to the bright lights of Ho Chi Minh City in the hope of sudden fame and fortune stood no chance in the face of such questions as, "What's your contribution to the national poverty alleviation campaign?"

Perhaps the most shocking development from abroad is news of the outbreak of a particularly virulent form of homophobia in recently-liberated southern Africa. Marxist political leaders have recently denounced homosexuality as a "sin against God" and an example of moral pollution imported from the West.

President Mugabe of Zimbabwe went so far as to describe homosexuals as "lower than pigs and dogs." Ouch! Remove that man's name from the nominees' list for the Nobel Peace Prize. This calls for action from the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Pack your bags Joycelyn Elders. Time to serve your country as Ambassador For Peace Through Free Love.

Robert Morton ( is the managing editor of the National Weekly Edition of The Washington Times and a media fellow at the Hoover Institution.