S A T I R E
The following are excerpts from 2025 prophecies by Babylon Bee [punctuated by cyber attacks believed originating from the Chinese Communist Party].
January 19 – Kamala Harris becomes first female president after Biden passes away peacefully in his sleep underneath her pillow
January 20 – Donald J. Trump is sworn in as president, [and following his inaugural address makes news by posting on X that Joe Biden’s body doubles “served distinctively for four years, honored the legacy of the real Joe Biden and are all from CENTRAL CASTING.”] ….
March 7 – Something really important happens in Europe. Nobody in America cares.
March 17 – The last three remaining Irishmen in Ireland celebrate St. Patrick’s Day ….
March 31 – RFK Jr. orders all future vaccines to be tested on Dr. Anthony Fauci.
April 1 – In a hilarious April Fool’s Day prank, Trump invades Greenland.
[April 17 – FBI Director Kash Patel promises regular press conferences at which he will reveal what the reformed agency has discovered about itself.April 19 – FBI Director Kash Patel, in a bombshell announcement, informs nation that the ghost of J. Edgar Hoover has continued to blackmail every American President until Trump who is being protected by the ghost of Roy Cohn.]
April 21 – Hunter Biden announces he has quit using cocaine
April 28 – Hunter Biden announces he has quit using cocaine
[May 1 – FBI Director Kash Patel announces that FBI forensic labs confirmed Joe Biden used three body doubles after his death and that all three had died during Biden’s term. Asked by a reporter from an unknown independent media outlet about who on Earth had been running the U.S. government the whole time, Patel cracked: “The Russians?”] ….June 12 – Ellen DeGeneres gets caught trying to cross the Rio Grande to sneak back into the U.S. ….
June 29 – California is swallowed up by overgrown lawns after mass deportation of Mexican landscapers. ….
July 26 – After weeks of intensely polite protest, Canada officially joined the U.S. as the 51st state. ….
August 10 – Mitch McConnell starts giving a speech on the Senate floor.
August 16 – Mitch McConnell resumes speech on the Senate floor after a six-day pause.
August 25 – California finishes counting ballots from the 2024 election.
September 2 – Arizona finishes counting ballots from the 2020 election.
[September 8 – FBI Director Kash Patel announces that having completed his investigation he is recommending that the agency be scrapped and its building converted into a museum with displays, he promises, that will make it a worldwide tourist attraction.November 22 – Hunter Biden officiates at the groundbreaking of the Joe Biden Presidential Library at Rehoboth Beach, Delaware.
November 22 – President Trump tweets that there should be four wings at the new presidential library to honor not only Biden but each of his body doubles “all of whom had served heroically and are from CENTRAL CASTING.”
December 10 – China’s Xi Jinpin and North Korea’s Kim Jong-Un stun Washington’s foreign policy establishment by accepting President Trump’s invitation to the White House Christmas Party.
December 13 – President Trump creates an international incident at the White House Christmas Party by publicly accusing a portly figure resembling Kim Jong-Un of being a body double. “I knew Kim Jong-Un. Kim Jong-Un was a friend of mine. You may be from CENTRAL CASTING but you are no Kim Jong-Un!”]
SATIRE: Expect the unexpected in 2025 . . . added by Editor One on
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