S A T I R E

American leftists are demanding that immigrants stay in the evil, oppressive regime of the United States.

[Say what? Should] hapless citizens of other countries be permanently subjected to the degrading conditions of American racist capitalism [and] the tyrannical dictatorship of President Trump?

“No — don’t send them back! Keep them here in America!” yelled Jessica Stevens, a cold-blooded leftist who obviously wants immigrants to have to endure atrocities like deadnaming, cultural appropriation, and $12.99 toothpaste at the local convenience store. “Let them live here forever — migrants deserve it!”

Leftist activists and organizations have faced severe pushback from compassionate right-wingers, who just want immigrants to be spared the horrors of life under a capitalist, conservative, republican democracy.

“Aw, yeah, ain’t no way we’d want them migrants to hafta suffer under them racist policies inherent to America,” commented Bobby, an Alabama Republican. “Send ’em back to the cozy little commie countries they know an’ love so that they don’t have to worry about stressful things like getting to have a well-paying job here in the U.S. of A.”

[Upon reflection, leftists are] demanding that the immigrants stay and do their lawnwork.

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