Democrats float draft of long-awaited alternative to the Ten Commandments


[It did not take long for Democrats to respond to Louisiana’s new legislation that will require the Ten Commandments be displayed in every public school and university classroom in the state.

The party of Clinton, Obama and Biden has offered a compromise, stating that, while the original Ten Commandments are “hateful” they are willing to update them with an updated, post-God rewrite.

The following Democrat-approved draft was obtained by an intrepid Babylon Bee reporter but is still being debated by warring gender factions before being introduced at the upcoming Chicago convention]:

  1. Thou shalt have no other gods besides thyself: For your desires take precedence over all.
  2. Thou shalt not misgender thy neighbor in vain: For your teacher shall not hold you blameless.
  3. Remember to wear skimpy clothes and keep them holey: You shall uncover your nakedness.
  4. Thou shalt honor thy teacher and hate thy transphobic parents: You shall not tell your parents if you decide to chemically alter your body to be a different gender.
  5. Thou shall not kill the sexual vibe the teacher hath created in the classroom: You shall know every detail of your teacher’s sex life, for some reason.
  6. Thou shalt not attain basic literacy: You shall use neither appropriate capitalization nor punctuation of any kind.
  7. Thou shalt hate and bully the straight white male, for he is the worst: Persecute him and bless him not, for his sins are many.
  8. Thou shalt not bear false witness, unless it’s against Donald Trump in a court room: In that case, bear away.
  9. Thou shalt not forbid abortion: Offer up your children to Moloch at every opportunity in the name of reproductive rights.
  10. Thou shalt covet thy neighbor’s everything: Everything he has should be yours, for he is privileged.