S A T I R E

Ivy Leagues have been making the headlines lately, but [parents can rest assured that students are learning] critical life skills [including the following]:

__ How to plagiarize dissertations: Learn from the real experts.

__ How to pitch a Coleman pup tent purchased from Walmart by George Soros: Those little poles can be tricky, so learning how to assemble them is a big deal.

__ How to chant in unison by repeating whatever the leader just chanted: Few things prepare students for life in the world than doing exactly what everyone around them is doing.

__ How to hate all the bad people: And by “all the bad people,” we mean whoever you’re told to hate. ….

__ How to have an opinion on conflicts between countries you’re not able to locate on a map: You don’t have to know where it’s happening, why, or who is involved to know that one side is totally wrong.

__ How to leverage a degree that costs you $500K into a lucrative job selling overpriced coffee: Each $8 cup of coffee will get you that much closer to achieving your career dreams.

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  Critical life skills taught at Ivy League schools that parents didn’t even know about