S A T I R E
After a week of grueling votes for Speaker of the House — 15 in total — Kevin McCarthy was finally handed the people’s gavel and took his rightful place as Speaker.
He lifted it up to the raucous applause of both Democrats and Republicans, signaling that the week of Congressional inactivity was over and the long national nightmare of taxing, spending, and corruption could finally begin.
“Finally, we will get down to the people’s business of stealing all their money for our pet projects, making backroom deals, and holding meaningless investigations where we yell and point angrily at people to get some sweet sound bytes for our reelections,” said McCarthy. ….
Experts predict that business as usual will resume first thing Monday, as politicians give portentous speeches to empty rooms, have important meetings with weapons manufacturers, and attend coke orgies. “Americans are overwhelmingly pleased to be finally achieving a state of normalcy in Washington again,” said one pollster.